Free Will

Outside the bowling alley, a man in a black tie grabbed Itsuka’s wrist and tried to pull her away from the man she was with. That man, Gudo, proceeded to shoot a fist straight at the assaulters head. Itsuka considered it a blessing that Gudo was such a brute in things like that, despite his normally quiet demeanor. The man with the black tie was not as strong by any means, so he fell to the ground. Even though it was just that street, she felt like all of Shinjuku was staring at the three of them. Itsuka went to Gudo and pulled him away in a way not dissimilar to what Kentaro had tried. 

Ah, that’s right, she thought, his name was Kentaro. 

“Demon! She’s an ogre!” 

Kentaro screamed at the top of his sobbing lungs while holding his eye with one hand. He pointed at the fleeing duo as if the crowd would chase them down. That was the issue with him, he just had no clue how to treat someone. 

“Did you know that guy?” 

“He’s an ex-boyfriend.” 

They rounded a corner onto a main street and slowed down. The pedestrians moved gingerly and paid them no mind. Safety on the next block over. Itsuka really loved how compact the city was in moments like that. Trouble could not follow a person more than twenty meters. A feeling of bliss swayed over her back and into her head. It was like the cold chill of a first bite of ice cream. 

The feeling must not have followed Gudo. She took a few glances back at him as he kept an arms length behind her. His eyes were darting, unfocused and moving between the traffic on the road and the random shop signs beside them. Silence covered him and something was clearly on his mind. The fight was bothering him. Did he feel bad for hitting someone? Or, maybe, he was starting to suspect her of some kind of malevolence? The ice cream left her spine and a great weight placed itself upon her. Not saying anything would be like inviting bamboo shoots to sprout in the backyard. 

“Hey, Gudo, do you love me?” 

Gudo stood a full head taller than her, even though he was younger than her by two years. He was not out of shape, but he was not muscular either. He had a weight to him that was reasonable but he was far from a thin guy. Nurse by day, caped defender by night. As they walked by a ramen shop the lights passed over his face. His long hair covered most of it from having been disturbed by the commotion. Probably his hair tie had fallen off somewhere on the way. She made a small note to buy him a new one. When she had asked him that question she already knew what he would say and how he would say it. Under the lights of passing shops she oversaw her prediction with glee. 

His face burned bright red. 

“Of course, Kamiyama-san.” 

Itsuka turned on her heels and stood on her toes in front of him. Then, with a sudden thump, she jammed her forehead into his, hard. Gudo jerked his head back, softening the blow, the strike landed and the both of them had to grab their heads in pain. Itsuka laughed and patted him on the shoulder while they recovered. 

“He was religious. When I said I didn’t love him he started calling me a demon. He’s sort of like, well, he’s like that guy from the Exorcist, you know? Father…something—I can’t remember. Anyway, I knocked everything from two minutes ago out of our heads now, so don’t worry about it. He’s gone and it’s just you and me again, okay?” 

Gudo peeked down at her from the corner of his eye while rubbing his forehead. 

“Okay. If you say so, Kamiyama-san.” 

“And that! We’ve been dating for seven months now Gudo! Call me Itsuka!” 

Gudo blushed again and started walking, moving in front of her to hide his embarrassment. He bumped a student who was coming the opposite direction and the two of them got very startled. They each bowed to each other several times in apologies and consideration. The student laughed it off and waved to Gudo when they parted. Itsuka took a glance at that student's face. 

Maybe in a few years he’ll be a casanova.

He was not terribly handsome, but he had a normal nose and his chin was average. All he needed was a good personality and he could probably get all the ladies he could ever want. It was good for him, and he probably knew that. When he turned from Gudo his smile flattened and he sighed quietly into the night. It was not spite. He seemed relieved that a brawny guy like Gudo was not some kind of punk ready to shake him down. A name occurred to her in that thought. 

Itsuka skipped forward at speed and wrapped herself around Gudo’s right arm. 

“Thanks for inviting me out Mr Shakedown!” 

Gudo smiled while using his left hand to pull his unkempt hair behind his red ears. 

“I’d rather you call me Gudo, Kamiyama-san.” 

“Is that so, Mr Shakedown? I don’t see Kamiyama-san here though?” She raised one hand to her brown and made a searching motion. “The only one here is Itsuka-chan!” 

Gudo averted her bright gaze and spoke while glaring daggers through the passing windows. 

“If you say so…Itsuka…” 

Hook, line, and sinker! 

They approached a train station. Itsuka rested on a bench near the entrance and a moment later Gudo appeared with a bottle of tea from the vending machines nearby. She took it from him with a smile and started to drink. Gudo stood and watched her. His eyes were so soft, like he was looking at a puppy or a litter of kittens. He must have been mad for her, if he was so defenseless as that whenever she was involved. Itsuka grinned. 

“Well, I guess I’ll be seeing you then,” Gudo fought to maintain eye contact. 

Itsuka set the bottle down and thought for a moment. She motioned him down like she wanted to say something in secret, and he bent over slightly to get closer. Then, in the same movement, she stood from the bench and pressed her lips into his. The guy nearly shook apart and she could almost feel the chills shattering his poor body. She pulled away and pushed him towards the turnstiles. 

“See you next time Gudo!” 

Gudo smiled from ear to ear and nodded before turning and disappearing through the gate and into the depths of the station. A man with a floral shirt left at the same time and shot a look her way. One brow raised and he smiled with an open mouth. His teeth were in utter shambles. She could probably fit a red bean between each one. Itsuka returned a scowl and he wavered, fading off into the crowds of Shinjuku. A guy wearing a sweater that was open to reveal a light blue polo shirt also walked out. He did not notice her at first until he was close to passing by, and he only quickly glanced before nervously turning away and going in the other direction. He was a runner, annoying and boring. Then a man wearing a hoodie, but he clearly never shaved and it looked hideous on his chin. She watched all of these men come and go from the station, judging every single one against the back of her date. 

Maybe I will just go home.

“Hanako?” 

Her eyes lit up when she looked through the shifting shoulders to find a guy with a hanaya tattooed on his neck. It was Chihiro, the art student she had met a month prior. He lived in Asakusa, so it was a surprise to see him coming off the train in Shinjuku. Itsuka folded her lips across and stood to wave to him. As he approached she tucked the bottle of tea behind the bench where he could not see it. 

“Hey, Chihiro! What’s going on? Weird to see you out this late.” 

They hugged and as they parted Chihiro planted a kiss on her cheek. 

“A friend of mine is throwing a party at his parents' place in Minamidai. Say, do you want to come along?” His face was already red from a bit of pre-gaming for the party. He was young but he did know his way around a bottle. Four years his senior—and not the least bit ashamed—Itsuka wondered if that invitation was some scheme of his to get her to a hotel at the end of the night. She quickly eyed the turnstiles to see if Mr Shakedown was coming back, but only the innumerable faces of strangers shuffled through the gates. 

“Sounds good, I could really go for a few drinks!” 

Chihiro wrapped his arms around the woman who called herself Itsuka. Only when she was around him, she had said her name was Hanako. Kentaro knew her as Chisato. The woman with no name laughed at his bad jokes and judged him by his youthful expressions. To the people on the street they seemed just like another happy couple making a game of the night. None could have been aware just how much fun the dame was really having apart from the poor guy who had fallen in love with her. 


Author’s Note

Not even the least bit ashamed, is she? Good for her I guess. I’m working on a larger project that tackles the concept of false identity. Less who am I, and more what am I. Maybe that’s not exactly right since who and what both apply. Either way, this is sort of a condensed, simplified, version of that to an extent.

Also way more grounded than the larger project. Either way, that’s why it’s here in Trunk Space. It’s a vignette.

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A Reddish-Blue Narcissus